To The Moon and Back
by teanc09
Summary: Co-written with iworkwithpens, set after season one.
1. Chapter 1

Mac and Will were sitting at the table in his office waiting for Charlie. He'd called down a few minutes earlier asking to talk with both of them.

"Do you have any idea what he wants to talk to us about?" Mac asked.

"No idea. But we're about to find out," he said as he saw Charlie walking toward his office.

"Good morning," Charlie said coming into the office and sitting across from them.

"Good morning," they both replied.

"I wanted to talk to the two of you about an idea I had. I just want you two to think about it for now, okay?"

They nodded.

"I'm thinking about a retrospective of the U.S. military's time in Iraq and Afghanistan as the troop withdrawal continues over there. What went right, what went wrong, the whole gambit?"

"I like it," Will said.

Mac was too quiet, Charlie thought. She knew what he was going to suggest.

"I want to send you and a team to Afghanistan to do the coverage from the ground."

Will looked at Charlie and then at Mac.

"I want you two to think about this and we'll talk again later," Charlie said and left Will's office.

"Mac?" Will asked, trying to get her to look at him. She was eerily silent.

"Yes," she finally responded.

"What do you think?" Will asked as she got up from the table and went to look out his window. Her shoulders were rigid and tight.

He came to stand beside her. "Are you all right?" he asked.

She nodded. "It's a great idea."

"Will you go with me?" he asked, rubbing her back. He wasn't sure if this was something she could do or not. Actually, he wasn't sure this was something she _should_ do.

She looked up at him and said "yes, I'll go with you."

"Are you sure you're okay going back?" he asked.

"No, but I'm going," she said firmly. "Let's go talk to Charlie."

"I'll do it. Maggie wanted to talk to you earlier. Why don't you go see what unexpected emergency has popped up that only you can fix," he joked, pushing her out the door toward the bullpen.

He watched her walk slowly toward the associate producer desks and wondered what this had to be doing to her on the inside? The two of them had been spending more time together lately. Hanging around the office longer than was strictly necessary just to be together, but neither really knew what to do about it yet.

Were they ready for more? Ready to try to step back into each other's personal lives again? He hoped they were, but he knew they were never going to get anywhere if they couldn't talk about some things. Key among these were why she cheated and what the hell she was thinking when she threw herself into a warzone to atone for that sin. He would never understand it, not until she could talk about it…and that was just something she didn't seem willing to do as of yet.

Of course, he wasn't exactly chomping at the bit to reveal what he had said in that voicemail, so he supposed she didn't really owe it to him to be open and forthcoming about her feelings either.

He quietly signaled Jim to follow him into the hallway.

"What's up?" the young producer asked.

"You're coming with me to see Charlie," Will told him.

"Why?"

"Good God, can anyone around here just follow instructions without asking why?" Will wondered aloud.

"No, actually. That's why we're journalists. We ask questions," Jim replied deadpan.

"Shut the hell up and get in the elevator," Will grumbled.

They remained quiet the rest of the way to Charlie's office, but Will could tell Jim wanted to ask more questions. One quick scowl sent in the young man's direction seemed to make him think twice about that.

"Well, are we all in agreement then?" Charlie asked as they walked through his door.

"About what?" Jim asked, looking between the two men.

"Charlie wants Mac and I to go to Afghanistan to cover the troop pull outs," Will informed Jim and watched for his response. He seemed stunned for just a moment and then started to say something, but stopped himself.

"No Jim. Don't censor yourself. I brought you in here for a reason. I don't know what went on over there. Should Mackenzie be doing this?" Will asked.

"You're asking me to break a confidence here Will. I'm not really comfortable discussing my boss and one of my best friends behind her back."

"I respect that and I'm not asking for specifics. Just reassure me that I'm not asking her to walk back into a hell she never recovered from. Please?" Will practically begged.

Charlie watched the silent conversation going on between the two men and almost wondered whether he should leave the room.

"She _hasn't_ dealt with it Will. Not by a long shot. And I'm not sure going back there is the best way to force her to do that, but if she's going to let her guard down with anyone, it's going to be you" Jim said quietly but firmly.

"Ok. Thank you for sharing what you could with me. And thank you for your concern for Mackenzie."

Jim nodded and left the room.

"So, can we start making travel arrangements for you two?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah. We'll need a production team. Not Jim, he'll need to stay here to cover for Mac. Some of the guys on Elliot's show are former military. They would probably be best," Will responded, hoping like hell he wasn't making the worst mistake of his life forcing Mackenzie back into the Middle East.

Mackenzie had been quieter than normal all day. Everything ran smoothly and they'd put on a good show but something felt off. The broadcast had finished almost an hour earlier. Will and Mac were the only ones left in the newsroom. He made his way from his office to hers, a walk he was sure he could complete successfully asleep he'd done it so often. She had all the lights off except for the lamp on her desk. He could see her sitting there staring at the wall, lost in her thoughts.

He knocked gently hoping to not startle her. She turned and smiled at him. "Hey, what are you still doing here?"

"I had a few things I wanted to work on, how about you? Why aren't you at Hang Chews with the team?"

"Didn't feel like it tonight."

"Do you mind if I?" he asked pointing at the chair in front of her desk.

"Please."

"Actually, I'll be right back," he said. He quickly went to his office, grabbed his bottle of scotch and two glasses and brought them back to her office.

He sat both glasses in front of her and poured each of them a drink. He picked up her glass and handed it to her. He took his glass and tapped hers and they both downed the scotch.

"Thanks," she said. "It's been a day, you know."

"I wanted to talk to you about the trip."

"What about it?"

"I need you to be completely honest with me, Mackenzie."

"Okay."

"Are you really all right to go back? You can tell me the truth. If you aren't ready, or can't, I need to know and I'm not asking for ACN or Charlie, or anything official. This is just you and me and you know you can tell me anything, right?"

She knew he was concerned and had every right to be. They were being asked to go into a very unstable area and he didn't need her being unstable as well.

"I do know that, Will."

"What are your thoughts about going back?" he asked.

"Would it be my first choice? No, it would not. Am I able to go? Yes."

She said it too quickly and with a hollow tone to her voice. He wasn't satisfied. "Will you promise me something?"

She knew he was trying to help. "What?"

"If something happens, or you need some time, or if you need anything you'll tell me? Please?"

He really was very sweet. "I promise."

"Thanks. Charlie has got our transportation worked out. We're going on a corporate jet from here to Paris, refuel there and then on to Islamabad."

He saw the color drain from her face when he said Islamabad.

"Why Pakistan? We're covering the troop pull-out in Afghanistan and Iraq. Why do we have to fly into Pakistan?" she asked, wringing her hands together.

"For the obvious reasons Mac. Nobody has ever really gotten any sort of an answer on how Bin Laden lived down the road from the Pakistani military without attracting any attention. And nobody is buying that the military knew nothing. We'll start there."

He sat back and waited for an argument that never came.

"Fine," she told him, arms crossed protectively around her middle.

"Fine," he replied, wondering if this was really the way they were going to play this. Acting like everything was fine when it wasn't. Pretending there was nothing to talk about when there, quite obviously, was. Were they actually going to spend more than a week together, traveling through dusty back roads and dangerous desert, and not kill each other?

"I don't want to do this trip without you Mac. I will, but I don't want to. But if we can't talk to each other…depend on each other, then anything we produce over there is going to be shit. You know it and I know it. You need to decide before we leave if you can trust me with whatever it is you have going on inside your head Mackenzie."

He set the bottle of scotch down on the desk in front of her and left the office, hoping that over the next few days she would find a way to let him in.

It wasn't until they were on the plane, nearly a week later, that he finally saw the first signs that her steely resolve was cracking.

"Hey," she said softly, as she moved toward the back of the plane, away from the rest of the crew, where he was sitting quietly by himself.

"Hey yourself. How are your ears?" he asked, as she took the seat next to him. She'd had a series of ear infections as a small child and the pressurization in airplanes could still bother her to this day.

"Fine, I brought lots of gum," she assured him, and pulled out a pack from her pocket to offer him some. He took a stick and popped it in his mouth and looked out the window. He was startled a moment later when she leaned her head against his shoulder and took his hand in hers. He tried not to whip his head around in shock.

"I remember being on the plane back to England with my Dad. He had come to pick me up at the Army hospital in Germany. He couldn't stop staring at me for the longest time, like he wasn't quite sure I had survived the whole thing. And when we were nearly to Heathrow he suddenly grasped my hand so tightly it almost hurt."

Will griped her hand more tightly in response and listened with rapt attention as she finally talked to him about some of that awful time they were apart.

"Do you know what he said to me?" she asked. He shook his head no because he couldn't quite find his voice.

"I don't care what the hell happened between you and William. You will _not_ do that to your mother and me again Mackenzie Elizabeth. You did some damn fine reporting over there sweetheart, but it's time to go home now. No more hiding from your heart."

Will looked at her and rubbed his thumb soothingly back and forth along her knuckles. Mackenzie's father had always known how to get right to the point with his only daughter.

"And have you stopped?" he asked.

"Stopped what?"

"Hiding from your heart," he told her.

"I think maybe I have Will," she told him as she curled into his side and tried to sleep.

"I hope so Mac. I hope so," he whispered into her hair.

He kept her hand in his while she slept. They were getting ready to land in Paris and he didn't want to wake her if he didn't have to as he could tell that she hadn't been sleeping well since she found out they were going on the trip. They were only going to be on the ground long enough to refuel and then they'd be on their way to Islamabad. He was hoping she was going to sleep through this layover. She was restless as they landed but remained asleep. It wasn't until they'd taken off again and an hour into this leg of their journey that she woke. She lifted her head from his shoulder and he tucked her hair behind her ear for her.

"Where are we?"

"About an hour out of Paris. I thought your ears might wake you but you didn't seem in any pain, so I let you sleep."

She kissed his cheek and said, "thank you."

"You're welcome." He wanted to talk more about her time in the Middle East but she had to be willing to talk to him and he didn't want to push if she wasn't ready.

"Do you want to work some?" she asked.

"Sure, we can do some planning," he said opening a notebook.

They worked until about an hour before they landed in Islamabad. Their security attaché came around handing out their protective vests and helmets. The vests had the word "Press" across the chest. The security attaché went over security measures and their expectations of everyone in the group.

They were all getting their vests on when Mac saw Will was having some trouble with his.

He was trying to tighten the vest when he felt her hands on his side adjusting the belt for him. "Too tight?" she asked.

"Perfect, thank you. Were you okay getting yours tightened down?"

She smiled at him, "yes. This gets really hot," she said tapping the vest, "but I don't care how hot you get, this does not come off unless we are inside a secure area and even then, I'd prefer you keep it on."

"I won't take any unnecessary chances, promise."

They landed and got all of their equipment into the vehicles they'd be using both in Pakistan and for the drive to Afghanistan. Will and Mac were in the back of an armored SUV. On the way to their hotel their driver was telling them about the various areas they were driving through when Mac recognized the area they were in and grabbed his hand. When he looked over she had her eyes squeezed shut. He quickly pulled her into his side and put his arm around her. She buried her head in his shoulder.

"I'm right here, I've got you," he whispered in her ear. Her arm went around his waist. "We're out of the square area," he whispered. She didn't move.

"How long until we get to the hotel?" Will asked their driver.

The driver responded, "just a few more minutes."

He was rubbing her back, trying to comfort her. He felt her arm that was wrapped around his waist relax a little. "I'm sorry," she said into his chest.

"Was that where it happened?"

She nodded. "We don't have to go back through there, we will avoid it while we're here. If we need something from there we'll have one of the team get it for us, okay?"

"Will you go with me to the square?"

"Mac, you don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do. But I can't do it by myself."

"Anything you need, I'm there."

Later that afternoon, as they all scattered to separate places to unload their belongings and equipment at the decrepit looking hotel they would be staying in, Will tried to watch Mackenzie's every move out of the corner of his eye. He watched the practiced ease with which she moved about the place and envied her for just a moment. Though she had had a much more privileged childhood than he had, she knew a lot more about being out in the field than he did. He had spent years, maybe too many years, sheltered comfortably behind his anchor desk.

He startled every now and again at the sound of gunfire coming from soldiers at a nearby shooting range. And he heard the low drone of fighter jets patrolling the skies above them. It was an entirely foreign experience to him, but as Mac's nerves settled a bit, she seemed to relax into the once familiar rhythm of life in a war zone.

A few hours after they arrived Will found her sitting cross legged on one of the twin beds in their shared room. She was listening to her iPod and reading a newspaper…in Russian.

"Shouldn't that be in Arabic or Urdu or Farsi or something?" he asked, nodding his head toward the paper.

"No. I picked it up at the airport before we left. It keeps my mind occupied," she told him as she pulled her earphones from her ears. "Besides, I don't speak Arabic, Urdu or Farsi. I speak Russian. Would have come in handy thirty years ago in Afghanistan."

"You would have been ten," he replied.

"True. And you would have been twenty-three. What evil, nefarious deeds were you up to then Billy?" she prodded.

"Nothing that your ten-year old self would have understood."

"What about my forty-year old self?" she asked, pulling on his arm and forcing him to sit on the bed next to her.

"Your forty-year old self knows all about my misspent youth," he replied, tucking a damp strand of hair behind her ear. "How the hell do you get used to this heat? And the noise?"

"It takes a while, but then it almost becomes normal. When I first got back from here, I couldn't sleep. It was just too damn quiet. I was staying at my parent's house out on the edges of Oxford and all I could hear at night was the damn cricket's chirping and the wind in the trees. Where the hell was all the shooting and noise from the Army trucks and the planes? I spent nights wandering the house, then I started putting on old John Wayne movies and World War II epics. All that gunfire seemed to lull me to sleep."

"I couldn't sleep either," he whispered to her. "The whole time you were gone, I would leave the news on all night. I left the television on ACN and my laptop set to the BBC News. I was afraid if I didn't I might miss something. Some little tiny piece of news that might give me a clue where you were and if you were safe."

"I left you a letter you know…just in case something happened to me. You're not supposed to tell people that after you get back. All the soldiers say that. That it's bad luck to ever open that once you come home safely. But I still have it Billy, if you want to read it."

"I don't know if I'm ready for that Kenz. I want to be here for _you_ right now and I have a feeling if I read that letter I'll fall apart. Does that make sense?" he asked, grasping her hand.

"Yeah, it makes a lot of sense Will. Thank you."

"So, whose idea was the shared room? Yours or Charlie's?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Neither. There are six of us here and there were only three rooms available. I thought you'd prefer me to one of the A/V guys you barely know."

"True," he replied.

"That, and I figured you'd appreciate seeing my bare legs a lot more than theirs," she told him saucily as she stood and dropped her pants to the floor and headed for the bathroom.

"I'm going to go take a bath" she told him as he stood transfixed by the sight of her in nothing but a loose t-shirt.

"This is going to be a long week" he muttered to himself and flopped face down on the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

When she returned from taking her bath he was still sitting on her bed. He had her earphones on listening to something he'd found on her iPod. She sat down next to him and he paused the audio and took off the headphones. "What are you listening to?" she asked.

"A BBC podcast about the economy."

"That was on my iPod?"

He smiled at her. "Probably not intentionally, but it was part of a weekly roundup."

"Remind me about that one when I need to fall asleep."

"How was your bath?" He wasn't sure why he'd asked other than to torture himself.

"Lovely. There was actual hot water, which I took full advantage of and had a nice soak." She was dressed in a t-shirt and no pants sitting less than a foot away from him. If she had any idea how much she was torturing him she'd change but he was enjoying her legs.

"What time do we have to be up?" he asked.

"About seven should be early enough. After breakfast we can go do some interviews. Luckily we aren't on the air until tomorrow. We'll be on at 5am while here in Pakistan."

"What about when we go to Kabul?"

"4:30am."

"Mac," he whined.

"You'll get used to it, it doesn't take long."

"By the time I'm used to it we'll be back in New York and jet lagged. Do you want your bed, I can move?"

She shook her head and moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Are you all right?"

"There will be nightmares tonight and I don't want you to be caught off guard. My parents told me when I got back to the Oxford house that I'd wake up screaming in the middle of the night I think my mother got tired of my presence very quickly," she said sadly.

"I'll sleep here with you, if you want…if it would help?" he offered.

She fell a bit more in love with him every day. He was being very sweet. She kissed his cheek and said, "thank you for offering. Let's see how it goes, okay?"

"Anything you need, sweetheart, I'm here."

She hugged him and whispered, "thank you," in his ear.

Neither of them was ready to sleep so they played Words with Friends on her iPod. They each had very large vocabularies and a serious competitive streak. They played several games before he saw her yawn. He got up and turned the bed down for her. She smiled and crawled under the covers. He sat on the side of her bed, tucking her in and kissed her forehead. "I'm right over there, anything you need, promise me."

"Promise," she replied.

She'd been asleep for several hours while he was laying on his bed listening to her sleep. It started with a whimper and he sat up. She began thrashing about under the covers and moaning as if being held against her will. He sat on the side of her bed and took her shoulders in his hands and said her name. Luckily he had great reflexes as she all of a sudden sat up screaming and he moved back so she wouldn't break his nose.

He pulled her into his arms and held her while she tried to calm down. "You've got to slow your breathing down, Mac. Try to take deep breaths. There you go," he said rubbing her back. He felt her start to shake and knew she was crying. He moved so they were both lying down and he was holding her against him, letting her cry.

"I'm sorry," she said between sobs.

"You're fine, just relax and feel me here with you. I won't let anything happen to you."

She nodded and settled against him. Before she knew it she was asleep in his arms. He eventually fell asleep holding her.

When they woke it wasn't awkward. She began stirring and stretched. He pulled her to himself and said, "good morning."

"Good morning. Thank you for sleeping here, holding me all night. There weren't any more nightmares and I have you to thank for that," she said kissing his cheek.

"You're welcome."

"Go grab a shower and I'll see if I can find us some breakfast. Are you hungry?"

"Little bit, thanks," he said going into the bathroom. When he came out she was dressed and had a plate of fruit and pastries sitting on the table. "Thanks," he said picking up a pastry.

"You're welcome. I ran into the team downstairs having breakfast. They are ready when we are. Is the plan still to do some interviews here today about Bin Laden?"

"I think so and maybe tomorrow we can go toward Afghanistan. Is that all right with you?"

She grabbed her press vest and started putting it on. "Sounds good. Finish up and we'll go find some people to talk with."

Will wanted desperately to be of some help to Mackenzie but he found himself waiting in the background as she instructed her team on setting up satellite hook-ups and camera shots. And though part of him wanted to hold her hand and keep her close to him, another part of him knew better. This was Mackenzie McHale and she was at her best when she was producing. It was going to be in the quiet moments alone in a hotel room or driving through the desert that she broke down and sought him out.

This was probably what Jim had been referring to when he had said that if Mac was going to let her guard down around anyone it was going to be him. He knew when to push and when to let her lose herself in her work. And right now what she needed was to pretend that she was just fine and that none of this was affecting her.

But every so often he would catch her lost in thought and rubbing her hand across her stomach as if in pain and he knew she was remembering and a little piece of him died each time he saw that. Because he wished he had been there for her when it happened. Or, better yet, he wished it had never happened at all.

"Mac," he asked, catching her hand and pulling it away from her belly.

"I'm fine. Are you ready to go?" she asked, hooking a mic to his collar and plastering a smile to her face.

"I'm ready if you are?" he asked.

"Good, then get your ass over there and start asking questions," she told him, pushing him over toward the Pakistani military official they were trying to get a straight answer out of.

An hour later they were packing up their gear and heading toward a school that had been built by American and Pakistani charities to deal with the influx of Afghan refugees during the past several years. Will sat back and watched Mackenzie smile at the children running around chasing a soccer ball and playing innocently as if the violence here had never affected them at all.

"They're so resilient," she said quietly as he scooted closer to her on the brick wall they were sitting on.

"They are. So are you Mac," he told her, grabbing her hand.

"Sometimes I don't feel like I am Will. Sometimes I feel like some part of me will never be the person I was before the attack. Maybe I'll never be the person I was before we split up."

"That's ok. As long as you're happy and healthy, it's ok that those experiences changed you Mackenzie. It changed me too. I knew I loved you before, but I don't think I knew just how much _in _love with you I was. Oddly enough I think my anger taught me that. I realized I couldn't possibly be so angry with someone I didn't feel so much for."

"You _were_ in love with me? As in past tense?" she asked almost as if she were afraid of the answer.

"Yes I was. I'm pretty sure I still am, but we're not talking about my feelings right now Mac. We're talking about yours, because pretty soon you're going to wear a hole in your t-shirt if you don't stop that," he told her grabbing her other hand in his and stopping her from rubbing at her stomach again.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, wondering if maybe this wasn't all psychosomatic, maybe she actually was in pain.

"No, I think it's just a habit that's coming back to me now because we're here and I'm thinking so much about it. I used to hold my hand over the sutures and the bandages whenever I moved. I think it gave me the illusion of control. That somehow I was lessening the pain or helping my abdomen heal if I supported it when I moved about."

The more she talked about this the more nervous he became. He was trying to be strong for her, support her through all this, but part of him was scared of seeing the scar. Not that he thought he would find her any less attractive, but what if his reaction hurt her? What if, for just a moment, he didn't know what to say and she took that as rejection or repulsion?

He held both her hands in his and watched as their A/V guys loaded the last of the equipment into their SUV.

"Ready to head back to the hotel?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're on the air early tomorrow so we better get back and get some sleep."

"I think the A/V guys are more concerned with finding some beer," he told her, chuckling.

"They will soon find out that is easier said than done around here."

"Even in the hotel?"

"Yep. Technically alcohol is illegal in all of Pakistan, most hotels find a way to circumvent that if you know the right people to ask."

"And, of course, you know the right people don't you Mac?" he asked with a lopsided grin.

"Why, whatever would make you say that Mr. McAvoy?"

"I know you, and you always have connections Mackenzie."

She hopped off the wall and released his hands and began running ahead of him.

"Come on Will. Get a move on, would you?" she shouted back.

A few hours later he found himself sitting alone on his bed wondering where the hell she had gotten to in the short hour or two they had been back at the hotel. He was hot and tired and he just wanted to take a shower and go to sleep, but he couldn't do that until he knew where she was. Just then the door burst open and the object of his thoughts appeared.

"Where the hell were you?" he shouted.

"Finding some adult beverages for the boys," she told him, holding up a small bottle of what appeared to be gin or maybe vodka.

"I take it you were successful," he replied, watching as she poured the unknown substance into plastic cups.

"I was."

"And you didn't think you might let me know where the hell you were before you started traipsing about a less than hospitable foreign county?"

She looked at him in shock for a moment.

"Why? I've been here before. You haven't. I think it would be more worrisome if _you_ were out there _traipsing_ about by yourself. Here, have a drink," she told him, shoving a cup in his direction.

"Yeah, last time you were here it went so well," he grumbled, downing the shot of barely palatable alcohol down his throat.

"And who's fault was it that I was here!" she shouted right back.

"I told you to get the hell out of our home Mackenzie, not the county!" he barked.

They both looked at each other, a little stunned at the things they had just said.

"I'm sorry," he whispered first.

"No, don't apologize Will. Maybe we both needed to get a few things out in the open."

She sat down on the bed next to him. She swallowed her drink and flopped back onto the mattress, her shirt riding up as she did. That's when he saw the first little glimpse of what used to be perfectly smooth skin. Before he could stop himself he was inching the shirt up her middle and watching as the scar was revealed.

"Will, what are you doing?" she asked, without taking her hand away from where it was covering her eyes.

He remained quiet as he ran his hand over it.

"Will?" she asked again.

"I didn't know Mackenzie. You have to believe me. I didn't know it was this bad," he said, dropping his head onto her stomach and letting his tears flow. Fuck trying not to upset her or figuring out the right things to say. He just needed to hold her right now.

"I know you didn't. I didn't want to call you from a war zone or a hospital and tell you that the only thing in the world I wanted in that moment was you. I wanted you there with me more than anything Will, but I didn't want you to come back to me out of pity or fear. I still don't. It won't work," she told him, running her fingers through his hair

"Jesus Christ Mac, I know! I know that and that's not what this is. I just want…oh hell, I don't know what I want! Can we not try to figure this all out tonight?" he asked, running his hand along the nearly six inch long surgical incision and the jagged line where the knife had entered her belly. He had never before understood that expression of feeling someone else's pain. Surely, you couldn't ever actually do that, right? You could empathize or sympathize, but you couldn't actually feel what someone else was feeling?

But in that moment, in a sweltering hot hotel room in Pakistan, he was actually quite certain you _could_ feel someone else's pain because he found himself curling onto his side next to her and trying to ease the burning ache in his gut.

"Give me that," he heard her whisper as she pulled his cup from his hand. She sat up and disappeared for a minute and then she was back. Pushing him up the bed and helping him out of his sweaty t-shirt and shorts and climbing into the tiny bed with him. As soon as she was lying down he slid his hand under her shirt, once again finding her scars with his fingertips.

"Sleep Will," she said softly as she pulled his hand away from her belly and laced their fingers together.

"I wanted to help _you_, not the other way around, and here I am blubbering all over you. I'm sorry Mackenzie," he whispered into her chest.

"You _are_ helping me Will. You and me, here together putting the pieces of our life back together. That's helping me more than you know. Maybe tomorrow we can lay another demon to rest," she told him.

Will fell asleep with images of a religious protest in a town square flickering through his mind and he wondered if Mackenzie would be able to tell him what had happened that day and he wondered if he would be able to listen.

She woke him like she used to years ago, running her fingers through his hair, talking quietly to him. He was still curled up as close to her as he could get with his head resting on her chest. She knew he was coming around when she felt him squeeze her side. "Time to wake up," she said quietly.

"Mac."

"I'm right here and when we go on the air I'm going to be in your line of sight the entire time. We're going to have security all around us. Are you ready to do this?"

He nodded his head. She smiled when he didn't move. "Want to give that another go?"

He sat up and put his feet on the floor. It already felt hot. "Does it ever cool off?"

"November through February," she said sitting up next to him. "It will be cooler in Kabul."

"Are we going to Afghanistan today?" he asked.

"I think so. There's something I want to do first."

"What?" he asked with trepidation.

"I have to go to the square. I need to exorcise this demon," she said hoping he would understand.

He looked at her and saw she was struggling. "I want to go with you. I need to understand. I need to know what happened to you."

"Okay, we'll go together before we head out of town. Will, I want you there with me, but are you sure you can handle going? I don't want you to suffer because of me."

"You were the victim, Mac. You didn't do anything wrong, you know that, don't you?"

When she didn't answer he knew he was onto something that might help explain her behavior. "Maybe I shouldn't have had a camera on the protest" she whispered.

"You can't second guess yourself this way. You were doing your job. A job you excel at and I have no doubt that you were doing exactly what you were supposed to be doing."

"I could have gotten my team killed."

"Look at me," he said taking her hand. "I guarantee you that every person on your team knew the chances they were taking and were following your lead voluntarily. You didn't make anyone stay against their will. They could have left at any time."

"They trusted me to keep them safe," she said.

"You kept them safe, Mac. Everyone went home alive."

She nodded.

"Let's get the broadcast done and we'll go to the square, okay?"

"Okay. I'm going to take a quick shower," she said getting off the bed. He didn't let her hand go and pulled her to stand between his legs. He lifted her shirt so he could see the scar and placed a gentle kiss there and pulled her into a hug, his head remaining on her stomach.

"Go jump in the shower," he said releasing her from his arms.

She was smiling as she walked to the bathroom.

They were broadcasting from just outside their hotel. Their security personnel had parked their SUVs in a way that they created a barrier between Will and Mac and the locals. Will and Mac both had their vests on and Will was waiting to hear Mac count down to his live shot. She could tell he was a bit nervous. In her ear she heard ninety seconds.

"Ninety seconds, Will. Remind me to take you to this great restaurant I found in Kabul. The best goat kabobs I've ever had."

"I don't know that I've ever eaten goat. Does it taste like chicken?" he teased.

"More like a combination of beef and venison. Give it a chance, Will. You have thirty seconds by the way."

"I don't suppose there are restaurant sanitary ratings in Kabul are there?" he asked.

She laughed. "No, there's not, sorry. You warmed up, you ready?"

"Let's do this," he said with a smile.

"Here we go, three, two, one."

She watched Will do his first broadcast from Islamabad. Considering they were half way around the world from network control things went very smoothly. When he threw to Terry Smith the first hints of sunrise could be seen on the horizon.

"Great job, Will. Thank you everyone," Mac said. "Let's get everything packed up and put into the SUVs. Will and I are going to run an errand but when we get back we're heading to Kabul. We won't be too long."

Mac helped Will unhook his mic and gave it to one of the A/V guys. Mac asked one of the security guards to drive them to the square while Will went upstairs to change. When he came back Mac was sitting in one of the SUVs waiting on him. He climbed in and they were off. It wasn't a long drive to the square and Mac had explained exactly where she'd wanted to visit.

Mac got out with Will right behind her, his hand on her back. Their security guard was staying close by, but giving them privacy.


	3. Chapter 3

"It's so different," she said looking around the square. "I wasn't sure I could come back here."

"You can do anything, Mac." He saw her hand go to her stomach. "Will you tell me what exactly happened?"

"The square was full of men, screaming and yelling about a drone strike that had happened the previous day. It had killed about a dozen people. We were back here and the main part of the protest was on the other side of the square. We knew better than to get too close or we'd get pulled into the crowd." Mac was pacing back and forth, rubbing her stomach as she told Will the story. He was almost positive she had no idea she was doing so.

"There was a separate group of women close to us, watching us. We didn't know it at the time, but they were giving information to the leaders of the protest. I knew they wouldn't talk to any of the guys, so I tried to talk to them," she said looking up at him with tears in her eyes.

He moved in front of her and took her hands in his. "You can do this," he encouraged.

"There was an older woman who started screaming at me in Arabic. The women all moved around me, blocking me in and the woman who'd been screaming at me reached into her jacket and the next thing I knew I was screaming on the ground. The security guard that was with us saw what had happened and he shot the woman in the head. She collapsed next to me, her eyes frozen open, staring at me while I lay screaming on the ground."

The tears were streaming down her cheeks now and Will pulled her closer to him. "Finish it out, you're almost there."

"Jim tried to stop the bleeding, but I was too injured for him to be able to stop it with pressure only. I remember the crowd roaring and surging toward us. Jim and the security guard picked me up and got me into a truck and took me to a hospital."

He pulled her against his chest and held her while she cried. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered into her ear. "Thank you for telling me the story, I know that was hard."

"I think what scared me most was never seeing you again and never knowing if you had forgiven me," she said into his shoulder.

"I have Mackenzie. I think I forgave you a long time ago, I just didn't know how to tell you and I didn't know where we went from there."

They stood there for a moment holding each other and then Mackenzie backed away.

"Mac?" he asked, not sure why she was suddenly putting distance between them.

"Public displays of affection aren't exactly welcomed around here Will. Particularly between men and women. Come on, let's head back to the truck," she told him, pulling on his hand so he would follow.

"Wait," he said, stopping her in her tracks.

"It said that I still love you. That I never stopped and that I wanted to give us another try if you still felt the same" he blurted out before he could stop himself.

"What?!" she nearly shouted.

"The voicemail. That's what it said Mac."

"And you're telling me this now? In a dusty town square in Pakistan when we need to be on the road in ten minutes?" she asked, stunned.

"We never have had the greatest timing Mac. Plus, you just shared with me one of the most painful experiences of your life. I figured I owed you."

"This isn't tit for tat Will. I wasn't expecting a reward for telling you what happened to me. And I never wanted to hear what that damn message said if it was just something you were forcing yourself to do because you felt obligated in some way!"

"Jesus, Mac! That's not what it was at all. I've wanted to tell you for a while, I just didn't know how to. And then there was Brian and the magazine article and trying to save our damn jobs and, somewhere in all that, I lost my nerve."

She looked at him for a moment, seemingly trying to judge his words. Had he really been trying to tell her his feelings for months now? Was this more than just a reaction to hearing her tell the story of how she nearly died?

"Stop it," he whispered, cautiously taking her hand and looking around the square to see if they were attracting attention.

"Stop what Will?"

"Stop over-analyzing it Mackenzie. It is what it is, ok? I'm not telling you this to soothe your fears or bribe you. I'm telling you this because I want to and because you deserve to know and because maybe I am learning a little about the fragility of life and realizing that I _could_ have lost you that day. Or you could have lost me when I stepped off a curb and got hit by a bus. Who the hell knows how much time any of us has? On the off chance that we're not going to live forever, shouldn't we try happiness for a change?"

"That was very poetic Will. Did you mean any of it?"

"All of it. Ok, somewhere in there I might have been channeling Charlie Skinner, but most of it was me. Come on, let's get in the damn car and go to Kabul. Otherwise ACN will think this whole trip has just been a very expensive reunion for you and me."

"Yeah, because there's no place like Afghanistan to rekindle a romance," she mumbled as they held each other's hands and walked toward the car.

Somewhere between Islamabad and Kabul, Mackenzie fell asleep on Will's shoulder, so he lowered her head into his lap and let her spread out along the back seat. She started to twitch and moan an hour or so later, but he just rubbed his hand through her hair and whispered "it's me Mac. You're safe…go back to sleep." And amazingly, she did.

Her eyes popped open when they hit a particularly nasty pothole. She sat up and leaned against his chest. "Where are we?" He wrapped his arm around her, holding her close.

"About two hours out of Islamabad," Will said. "How far is Kabul?" he asked their driver.

"371 kilometers from Islamabad to Kabul," their driver explained.

Will looked at Mac. "For those of us who don't use the metric system, how far is that?"

She smiled at him and said, "230 miles. Probably about another three hours."

"Three hours," he exclaimed. "Remind me the next time we agree to a trip like this that we have to fly directly to our destination."

"You did great today. We need to get you from behind the desk more," she said.

"How about Paris or Madrid?" he suggested.

She laughed. "I could go for either of those, but our luck we'd end up in Siberia in the winter."

"I'm not sure what would be worse, the heat or the cold," he wondered aloud.

"Have you ever been to Russia in the winter?"

He shook his head, "I've never been anytime."

"Trust me when I say the cold is worse."

"I'd keep you warm," he whispered in her ear. Her hand moved to caress his leg.

"I've no doubt. Are you tired?"

He looked tired and she needed him rested for their broadcast. Travelling this way was tiring. "A little," he finally admitted.

She moved away from him and pulled him down so his head was in her lap. "Relax for a while," she said playing with his hair. It wasn't long until his eyes closed and he slept. She let him sleep for as long as he could since he was going to have to be up early for the broadcast. They'd arranged for the show to be a lot of packages since they knew they were using today as a travel day.

They were on the outskirts of Kabul when she placed her hand on his chest and said, "Will." His eyes popped open and he sat up.

"I must have really been tired, thanks for letting me sleep."

"You're welcome. I thought you might want to see Kabul as we get into the city."

He rubbed his eyes and stretched as well as a man over six feet tall could in the back of an SUV.

"We'll be out of the car soon," she said.

"Where are we staying?"

"Serena Hotel in Kabul" she answered. "I think you'll be pleased."

"Are we sharing again?"

"I'm sure that could be arranged," she answered taking his hand.

When they arrived at the hotel Will opened his door and got out to stretch.

"Feel better?" she asked from the backseat. He turned back to her and held his hand out to help her out of the SUV. She stretched and said, "I'm going to check us in, I'll be right back."

She came back a few minutes later with keys to their rooms and gave them to the team. "Everyone get settled and we'll meet in the lobby in two hours to go over the plan for the remainder of today and the broadcast in the morning. Thank you."

"I've got a surprise for you," she said to Will after everyone else had left. They each grabbed their bags and she led them to their suite. When she let them into their room there was a king size bed and cool air coming from the air conditioner.

"This is nice, I had no idea there were nice hotels in Kabul."

"Most people don't, all everyone sees are the army tents and the dirt roads," she said putting down her bags.

Will collapsed on the bed.

Mac took off her shoes and let her hair down with him watching her. "I'm going to take a shower and get the road off of me. I'll be right back."

"You want some company?" he asked.

She walked back to the bed where he was now sitting up and stood between his legs. She placed her hands on his cheeks and leaned down to kiss him. "Stand up," she said moving back to give him room. When he stood she loosened his vest and pulled it off of him. His t-shirt was stained with sweat and she pulled that over his head.

He was hesitant, but moved his hands to her vest and removed it for her. "It's okay," she said. She wasn't sure why he was so uncertain with her. "Look at me," she said and his eyes met hers. "We can shower and nothing else has to happen right now. We don't have a lot of time but I would like to shower with you, if you're okay?"

"I'm nervous and…."

She smiled at him. "So am I. Let's get a shower and then we'll talk about what happens for the rest of today with the team and then you and I will spend some time getting reacquainted later, does that sound good?"

"It does, thank you," he said and pulled her shirt over her head. He reached for her bra and unhooked it, letting it fall down her arms. "God you're gorgeous."

She was running her hands across his chest, tweaking his nipples. "I love you, so much. I couldn't have come back here without you. I wouldn't."

He pulled her against his chest and held her there, enjoying the feeling of her being in his arms, letting them get used to one another again.

"You ready for a shower?" he asked. She nodded against his chest and moved back so she could remove his pants. He helped her with her pants and underwear and she helped him with his boxers. She took his hand and led him into the bathroom. Fortunately their suite had a walk in shower. She adjusted the water temperature and stood under the spray. He was watching her intently.

She turned under the spray and held her hand out to him and pulled him into the spray. He closed his eyes and felt the water flow over him. His arms were around her and he leaned down and kissed her. "I love you, so much, Mac. Thank you for coming here with me."

"I love you, Billy," she said wrapping her arms around his neck. His erection was pressed against her abdomen.

"Kenz, you feel so good," he said moving his hand to her breast.

"Billy," she moaned when he teased her nipple. "Fuck," she said and moved her mouth to his nipple and bit very gently.

"Do you want me to stop Kenz? You know I will."

She looked up at him and said, "don't stop." His mouth crashed into hers in a passionate kiss. She was rolling his testicles in her palm.

His mouth was on her neck, kissing, licking and biting as he made his way to her breast. The nipple fit perfectly in his mouth and she moaned when he began suckling.

Her hand was around his cock, stroking slowly and when she got to the head she twisted her wrist to give a different stimulation. After several strokes he stopped her hand and held it in his. He pulled away from her breast and said, "this won't last very long if you keep doing that."

"Too close?" she asked.

"Been too long," he said. She made a mental note to ask about that statement later.

"Me, too," she said and nibbled where his neck and shoulder meet.

"Are you on some type of birth control, Kenz?"

"IUD, we're fine." The next thing she knew he'd picked her up and her back was against the tile wall of their shower. She took his cock in hand and positioned him against herself.

He slowly lowered her onto his cock and stopped moving when he was completely engulfed in her.

"Fuck, Billy," she moaned, her head back against the tile and her eyes squeezed shut. "God you feel good."

"You okay?" he asked nuzzling her cheek.

"God, yes, move, please."

He began thrusting into her, while holding her against the wall. Her legs were loosely wrapped around his hips and her arms were holding onto his shoulders.

She leaned forward and placed her mouth on his neck, and nibbled to his ear, taking the lobe in her mouth and suckling.

"Fuck," he said reacting to her playing with his ear and began thrusting faster.

She was moaning with every thrust. "Harder," she whispered into his ear. He increased his thrusts, slamming into her. "Yes, fuck, that's perfect she said and reached down to touch herself.

His eyes were on her hand and what she was doing to herself. "Feel good?"

"You feel amazing, God, I'm close, Billy."

He moved her hand and replaced it with his and stroked her clit in time with his thrusts.

"Oh, Billy, oh God, yes, yes, fuck, ahhhhh," she screamed and began coming.

"Love you, Kenz," he said and moaned through his ejaculation. He didn't immediately let her down, he had his head buried in her shoulder and she was running her hands through his hair.

"I love you, Billy," she said, pulling his head off her shoulder and kissed him deeply.

They got out of the shower and helped each other dry off. They pulled on their robes and sat on the king sized bed. Will watched Mackenzie struggle to pull a comb through her knotted, wet hair until it almost looked painful.

"Stop Kenz," he whispered, pulling the comb out of her hands and gently loosening the worst of the tangles with his fingers until he was able to run the comb through effortlessly. She was practically purring by the time he was finished.

"I missed that," she said softly.

"There used to be a lot more hair to deal with," he told her, remembering the days when his help was almost required in order to deal with her long tresses.

"Do you not like it this short?" she asked, worried that he missed the days when her hair flowed nearly half way down her back.

"I missed _you_. I don't give a flying fuck what you do with your hair Mackenzie. And I don't care about the scar either, before you start wondering about that too. Well, I care that it happened and that you suffered, but it doesn't change the way I look at you. You're still the most gorgeous woman I've ever laid eyes on," he told her, running his fingers through her damp hair.

"I'm sure the New York Jets cheerleader had a leg up on me Will," she giggled at her own pun.

"Not even close Mac. Besides, I have no idea what her stomach looks like so I can't really compare."

She whipped her head around so fast that his fingers caught in her hair.

"Ouch," she shouted, but before he could begin apologizing she put her fingers to his lips to quiet him.

"Are you really telling me that you didn't sleep with her?" Mackenzie asked, more than a little shocked. When he had said in the shower that it had been a long time, she assumed he meant since the two of them had been together. Not that he hadn't had sex since their break-up. Could that possibly be true?

"I didn't sleep with her Mac."

"What about Miss Columbia Presbyterian Neurosurgeon? Did you sleep with her?" Mackenzie asked…she couldn't seem to stop herself. It amazed her that all this time, while Will strutted about town with innumerable gorgeous women, he hadn't been having sex with them?

"Nope. Not her either," he assured her, grinning at the fact that he seemed to have shocked her. It was nearly impossible to surprise Mackenzie, she was a journalist after all. She always had to know all the answers, but for once, she was clueless. Didn't she know how much he had missed her? How much he had wanted her? There wasn't a replacement for true love.

"You're not seriously telling me that you haven't had sex in nearly five years?" she asked him.

"Were there a few other women right after you left? Yes, but that was more about anger and revenge than anything else. And then I realized I was only hurting myself and maybe the women I slept with, if they ever really expected anything from me. You were thousands of miles away and didn't have a clue what I was doing. So, if I was having revenge sex with half the Tri-State area, as you so eloquently put it several months back, you wouldn't have had the slightest clue. And if I wasn't getting revenge on anyone and I wasn't even enjoying the sex that much, what the hell was I doing? That's when I stopped trying."

"But, all those dates you paraded around the newsroom? What the hell was that?" she asked, getting up and pacing the room nervously, not quite believing what she was hearing.

"That was me trying to annoy you. And it worked. But I sure as hell wasn't going to sleep with any of them. What would have been the point? The only woman I wanted was dating some jackass federal prosecutor."

"How long Will?" she asked.

"Since I've had sex? I don't know…about three or four months after you left I guess."

She stopped pacing and leaned against the window, resting her head against it with a thud.

"Mac?" he asked. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Thank you for not telling me that before," she whispered.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Thank you for not telling me before we had sex that you had been celibate for nearly five years. The pressure would have been enormous."

He nearly burst out laughing at her remark. In fact, a moment later he did just that. He laughed so hard he fell back onto the bed and rubbed tears from the corners of his eyes.

"Why are you laughing at me?" she asked, a little offended. He still couldn't stop himself.

"Will, stop it! Stop laughing at me!" she shouted, climbing on top of him and wrestling his arms away from his face so she could look at him.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"You Mackenzie. You are what is so god-damned funny. I've been dreaming of you for years, jerking off in the shower to memories of you and you worry that sex with you wasn't satisfying? Good Lord woman, I get hard just thinking about you. You don't _ever_ have to wonder whether or not I enjoy sex with you Mackenzie."

She lay down on top of him and rested her head just over his heart.

"Will?" she asked softly.

"What?"

"When can we do it again?"

He just laughed. "Well, we have a meeting with the crew in about twenty minutes. And, while I would love to stay here with you in bed and test my recuperative powers, I think they might start to worry about us."

"Damn," she swore quietly.

"Kenz?" he whispered into her hair.

"Hmm?"

"Don't ever leave me again, ok?" he said quietly as he pulled her to him even more tightly.

"Never," she assured him.


	4. Chapter 4

A short while later they made their way down to the lobby where the crew was waiting. The men had already ordered drinks and were making checklists of equipment and supplies.

"You all look hard at work," Mackenzie told them, almost reminding herself not to grab Will's hand or lean into his side.

"Where are we headed today?" Will asked the group.

"Isn't that up to her?" one of the younger members of the crew asked, looking at Mac at little too appreciatively for Will's comfort. John, the eldest member of their borrowed crew, watched the staring match going on between the anchor man and the young sound tech with amusement.

"I'm going to get a drink," Will announced and marched toward the bar.

"I'm just going to go find the men's room," John said quietly, but he doubled back and headed toward Will.

"I used to be the same way about my wife," John told him as he sidled up to the bar.

"What?" Will asked, unsure what the man was talking about.

"Back there, with Josh, the sound technician? I used to be just like that with my wife. Another man so much as looked at her and I was ready to take a swing at him."

"I'm not sure what you've heard, but Mackenzie is not my wife," Will told him, swallowing some scotch to ease the growing ache he felt in his stomach when he saw that man oogling _his_ Mackenzie.

"Ok, wife, girlfriend, significant other. Whatever the hell you want to call her. I'm just saying I know how you feel," John reassured him.

"Does _everyone_ at ACN know about us? I thought Charlie told me you were new to the company?" Will asked.

"New to the company maybe, but I've been in this business a while and, try as I might _not_ to listen to office gossip, some of it is hard to avoid. Especially when my wife reads about it in the tabloids and asks me if I know anything about you two."

"Ahh," Will sighed in recognition. "The email. Yeah, for all her know-how in the newsroom, Mackenzie has a pitiful lack of knowledge when it comes to anything technological." Will laughed a little, wondering if they would ever escape that damn email.

"She's great at what she does though," John said.

"Yeah, she is. The best in the business," Will agreed.

"Well then, I'd say you have it pretty good Mr. McAvoy. A great producer and a great woman. In your case, it all happens to come in a pretty magnificent looking package too, if you don't mind my saying."

Will nodded his head at the man, acknowledging his comments about Mackenzie for what they were…admiration, not flirting.

"I say this with all due respect Mr. McAvoy," John started, but Will cut him off.

"Call me Will, please. When I hear Mr. McAvoy I look around for my father and the man was an unmitigated asshole so I generally prefer not to be reminded of him."

"Ok, Will then. Let me give you a little piece of advice from my nearly twenty years of marriage. Women like it if you're a little protective of them. Maybe even a little jealous, but start a fist fight over their honor and next thing you know you're sleeping on the sofa," John told him with a wink, and headed back toward the crew.

John wasn't telling Will anything he didn't know. Hell, Mackenzie was one of the most self-reliant, independent women he had ever met. And he knew that grabbing her around the waist and pulling her down onto his lap in front of the crew just so that idiot sound guy wouldn't look at her anymore would be a great way to assure he spent the rest of this trip taking cold showers and sleeping alone.

He took a deep breath to calm his temper and headed back over to join the group.

"Will, we're all going to grab a quick bite to eat and then head over to the Army base that's training the Afghani military to take over. Sound good to you?" she asked.

"That sounds fine Mac," he replied, trying like hell to fight the urge to pull her a little closer to him.

"Good, I'm going to go find the waiter. Will, can you come with me please?" she asked a little too sweetly. Shit, he remembered that tone. It was the one she used when she was mad as hell but didn't want anyone but him to know it.

He followed her across the room like a schoolboy about to be scolded. She pulled him into a dark corner of the room and kissed him until he couldn't breathe.

"What was that for?" he asked, shocked that he had been rewarded for his caveman behavior.

"That was your one and only warning Will. I know, given our past, you are going to be protective and territorial around me. I understand where that fear comes from, but I won't spend the rest of my life having you wonder if I'm going to sleep with every man who shows me a little interest. You're it for me Will and you have to believe that I would never break your trust that way again."

He rested his forehead against hers and nodded.

"I'm sorry Mac. I overreacted, but it wasn't you I didn't trust it was that jackass that was looking at you," he whined, winding his fingers through hers.

"Ok, but I can handle that myself. I'll just make him stay up all night monitoring our connection to New York," she told him.

"I like the way your mind works Ms. McHale," he whispered into her ear.

"You'll like it even more later tonight in our hotel room. Now, get back over there and act cordial Will. No peeing circles around me to mark your territory please," she admonished, but placed a quick kiss on his cheek.

"She's going to be the death of me," he mumbled to himself. "And I'm going to love every minute of it."

After they'd finished eating they were driven to the Army base. Mac got out and spoke with one of the guards. When she came back she explained that the press attaché would be out to speak with them in a few minutes. When he arrived he immediately recognized Mac.

"Mackenzie McHale, I never thought I'd see you over here again," the man said and hugged Mac.

"Jeff, it's great to see you are still in one piece. You're well?"

He smiled and said, "I am. Who do you have with you?"

"Will McAvoy, Captain Jeff Sawyer, press attaché."

"Thanks for taking the time to meet with us," Will said.

"No problem. How long are you here?"

"Just a few days. We're here to cover the troop withdrawal. We were hoping to talk to both US and Afghan troops," Mac said.

"That shouldn't be a problem. I can arrange that. Any particular command level you're looking for, Mac?"

"I'd like a spread, from both, if possible."

"You've got it, give me an hour or so and I'll get something set up. There are lots of opinions in the marketplace," he added.

"Thanks, I'll see you later. It was good to see you, Jeff."

"You, too, Mac."

After they were back in the vehicles Will asked Mac, "how long have you known Captain Sawyer?"

"A long time. Last time I saw him was in the Green Zone."

"Are we going to the marketplace he was talking about?"

"Yes, to at least get some background. Are you okay with that?"

"Yes."

The marketplace was busy. People everywhere, buying and selling goods, sitting at café tables, eating and socializing. Will was looking around, chatting with people, getting a feel for the place. Mac was able to find a member of the new government to speak with them, although not on camera.

After they'd gotten enough background they went back to the Army base to wait on Jeff. While they were waiting the guys were getting B-Roll footage. They saw an old car racing toward the gate and yelled at Mac and Will to get in the truck. They were rushing for the truck when the car rammed the gate and exploded. Will saw Mac hit the truck and slide to the ground as he was being thrown to the ground.

"Mac!" he screamed, rushing to her side as quickly as possible.

"Fuck," he heard her say as she tried to sit up.

"Stay still, Mac. Are you hurt?"

"You're bleeding, Will," she said reaching for him.

He hadn't realized he was injured. "I'm fine. Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

Quickly medics and army personnel surrounded them and brought them on base to the infirmary. Mac and Will, it turned out, were the only ones injured. Will had a gash on his forehead that needed a few stitches. Mac was just bruised. Her doctor let her up and she went to check on Will. He was lying on a stretcher with his arm over his eyes. She moved his arm and smiled at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, Mac." He knew she was worried about him.

"What did the doctor say?" she asked.

"They gave me a CT just to be sure I don't have a concussion, they are still reading the results."

Two doctors came in as they were talking.

"What's the verdict?" Will asked.

Both of the doctors looked at Mac. "I'd like her to stay," Will added.

"You do not have a concussion but we are going to need to put a few stitches in to close your head wound. This is our best guy for stitches. I'll leave you to it," the first doctor said.

"Thank you," Will said to the doctor's retreating form.

"So, Mr. McAvoy, have you had stitches before?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I know the drill."

"Ma'am, are you all right to see this?" the doctor asked Mac.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you."

"Okay, I'm going to get a suture tray and I'll be back with a nurse in just a few minutes."

Mac sat on the side of his bed, holding his hand and playing with his hair. "What's with the long face Will? We're both fine."

"After we get out of here, okay?"

"Okay. I sent the guys to get more B-Roll for us. I'm glad we're using mostly packages in the morning."

"Me, too. Are you sure you're all right?"

"Nothing broken but I'm going to be sore and bruised I'm sure all along my side."

He sat up and hugged her tight, not letting her go. The doctor coughed and Will laid back down. The doctor moved to Will's right side and placed a protective sheet over him with a hole for the doctor to put in his stitches. Mac was on his other side, holding his hand. She could see when the doctor was administering the numbing agent and felt his hand tighten on hers. She picked up his hand and kissed the back. Her other hand was on his knee, which she was caressing. After a few minutes the doctor explained that he was done and gave Will instructions about keeping the wound dry. He gave them some waterproof tape and suggested putting plastic over the wound when he showered. Will thanked the doctor and nurse and he was released.

As they were walking out of the hospital Jeff joined them. "Are you guys okay?"

"We're fine, Jeff, thanks for checking on us," Mac said.

"There are still people around, if you want to talk to them tonight," Jeff said.

Mac looked at Will and he nodded. "Give me a few minutes to get my crew back here and we'll do this. Thank you."

"Any time, Mac. I'm glad you guys are all right," he said walking away from them.

They walked off of the base as Mac was calling her team to get them back so they could do the interviews. Will took her hand as soon as they'd cleared the gate and pulled her to him, holding her tight. When she disconnected with the team she put her phone in her pocket and put her arm around him.

"I love you, Mac and I'm glad we came here but how did you do this for over two years?"

"I think it would have been worse staying in New York and running into you at every turn. Hearing about who you were dating and what your life was like without me. The thought of that was more than I could bear Will. I had to leave."

"But _here_ Mac? The other side of the world in the middle of a fucking war zone? You couldn't have just gone back to London and worked for the BBC or something?" he asked, tightening his hold on her and resting his chin on her head.

"No. You know the news business Will. Everyone knows everything about each other. Even London wouldn't have put me far away enough from the gossip and the rumors. And besides, I didn't think it mattered where I went. I didn't think much mattered then Will," she whispered softly into his chest.

He swallowed harshly at that. Did she really not care what happened to her? She had to have known what that would have done to him? That thought brought him back to what he had been wondering about before they even left New York. Would she ever be able to tell him _why_ she had cheated on him and why she threw herself into a war zone when they split up?

"Don't ever do that again Mackenzie, ok? I was angry and I was hurt but there was no way that I would have wanted you to put yourself in harm's way just to get away from dealing with us. And don't you ever care that little about yourself ever again."

"I'm still working on forgiving _myself_ Will. It's going to take some time."

He pulled away from her. "Well stop it, because I forgave you a long time ago. I just needed to get my ass in gear and tell you that." He leaned down and kissed the crown of her head just as their crew rejoined them. They broke apart looking slightly guilty.

"Ok guys, let's finish up with the interview with the Commander of Operations here and then we can head back to the hotel. I'll need you guys to send the rough cut of our tapes back to New York before you turn in for the night," she informed them in a short, clipped tone that said there was to be no discussion of what they had just witnessed.

Everyone finished their work quickly and amazingly calmly despite all that had happened that afternoon. Once their interviews were finished they all piled back into their SUV's and headed for the hotel.

When they returned to their room, Will flopped onto the bed and pulled a pillow over his head.

"Headache?" Mackenzie asked, as she shed her sweaty clothing and threw a large t-shirt on.

"Hmm," he mumbled, nodding.

"Take these," she told him, pulling the pillow away from his head and thrusting some Tylenol and a bottle of water at him. He swallowed the pills and laid back.

"Drink the water Will. The headache could be a result of dehydration, not just that conk on the head."

He obeyed and downed half the bottle in a few swigs and then curled back up on the mattress. Mackenzie left him alone in the dim room and went into the bathroom and filled up the tub with hot water. She threw off her t-shirt and climbed in. Very quickly her eyes closed and she nodded off.

She wasn't sure how long she had been there when she heard the taps being turned on again and cracked her eyes open to find Will letting more hot water into the tub.

"Sorry, I guess I was a little more tired than I thought," she said, shivering slightly in the now tepid water.

"Scoot forward," he told her. She did, and then waited while he dropped his jeans and shirt to the floor and got in behind her. She lay back against his chest and closed her eyes again, until she felt his arms wrap around her and his hands come to rest on the scars on her belly.

"Stop it Will. I'm not going to spend the rest of our lives having you doing penance every time you so much as glimpse at my stomach," she said wearily.

"That's not what I'm doing Mac. Will I always blame myself for this? Maybe a little, but I'm more concerned with the fact that you seem to be willing to continually believe you deserve to suffer," he said sadly.

"What?!" she asked, so stunned that she started to sit up in the tub, but he pulled her back down against his chest.

"Before we left New York I was wondering how we were ever going to move forward if we couldn't talk about a few things. What happened to you in Pakistan, what I said to you on that voicemail…we had a lot of unfinished business Mac. I'm glad we've finally been able to deal with some of it. But there's still something I need to know Mackenzie."

"What?" she whispered.

"Why it happened in the first place? Why did you sleep with Brian?" he asked, still keeping a tight hold on her. Because, maybe, if she wasn't looking at him she could talk. Maybe like this, wrapped tightly in his arms but not looking into his eyes, she could finally tell him why it all fell apart. He thought he already had a pretty good idea, but he couldn't quite believe it was true.

"You were too good," she said so quietly he almost didn't hear her.

"What the hell does that mean Mac?"

"You were too good for me. Brian wasn't. So I went back to him."

"And then you went to a war zone to punish yourself?" he asked incredulous.

She just nodded.

"Jesus Christ Mackenzie!" he shouted, thunking his head on the tile wall behind him because that's all he could think to do. Had he been standing he probably would have punched a hole in a wall.

"I'm sorry," she said meekly.

"For God's sake, stop apologizing, would you please? This has to stop Mac. I don't know where the hell you learned to devalue yourself, but you are worth loving. You are worth being with and you are sure as hell worth every last cent they pay you to do your job. It was not your fault that anyone, including you, got hurt that day in Islamabad. It was not your fault that Brian dumped you. And it was not your fault that we didn't work out. At least not entirely. I should have seen that you were scared. If I had maybe we would have talked about it and you wouldn't have panicked and run back to that asshole."

Will stopped and took a deep breath, he heard her crying and he reached around her to wipe her tears.

"Stand up, let's get out of this water before we're shivering," he told her, pushing her forward. She stood and he followed. He hadn't been able to see it in the bathtub, but her entire left side was bruised and her left arm and leg were scraped and scratched from the gravel she must have fallen into as she hit the ground. He carefully dried her off and pulled a robe around her and then did the same for himself.

He guided her to the bed and nearly had to push her under the covers. He got in and wrapped himself around her. Soon, though, the quiet was shattered by the phone on the bedside table ringing.

"What?!" Will barked into the phone.

"Will?" Charlie Skinner shouted back.

"Yeah. Sorry about that Charlie, it's been a long day. What did you need?"

"I heard about the car bombing. Your crew sent us footage of the damage to run with our coverage. I wanted to hear your voice for myself…make sure you two were ok."

"Yeah, we're fine Charlie. I've got a few stitches and Mac's pretty banged up, but other than that we're all fine. We'll be on the air as planned in the morning," he reassured the man.

"You two doing ok over there? No screaming matches yet?" Charlie asked. Will appreciated the concern, he did, but he wasn't ready to talk to anyone about his relationship with Mackenzie yet. Not even Charlie. Maybe it was selfish of him, but he really wanted Mac to himself for awhile. He needed time to convince her that she was worth fighting for….that _they_ were worth fighting for. And that this time it was going to work.

And, truth be told, he wasn't really ready to share her just yet. He knew once they got back to New York they would be inundated with the opinions of those around them. Sloan would be eager for details. Charlie would be chomping at the bit for a night of drinking and discussion. And, Lord knew, the tabloids would be ready and waiting for them to step out in public and make it official.

Despite the less than hospitable surroundings, at least these hotel rooms and long road trips gave them some time alone and disconnected from the world.

"Will?" Charlie's voice snapped him back to reality. Mackenzie had curled up into his side and was trying to find a comfortable position that wouldn't aggravate all her bruises and scrapes.

"I'm here Charlie. Look, I've got to go. We'll be back in a couple of days and I'll talk to you then. Just let everyone there know that we're fine, ok?"

"I'll do that. You take care of her Will."

"Always Charlie. Always" Will replied and hung up the phone. He reached over and grabbed the Tylenol bottle and the water and handed them to Mackenzie.

"Take these Mac. You'll be up in the middle of the night tossing and turning if you don't. And you'll be sore tomorrow."

She took the pills from him and gulped them down and then curled back into his side.

"Sleep Mac. We have to be up early," he said quietly, as he stroked the hair back out of her face.

"Mmkay," she whispered.

"Don't even think this conversation is over though Mackenzie," he said as he pulled her closer and let sleep overtake him.

The alarms on their phones went off to wake them up. Will sat up and silenced both phones and looked at Mac. The skin he could see looked worse than it did earlier. He knew she was going to be sore.

"Mac, wake up," he said hoping to ease her out of her sleep.

"I'm up," she said still lying next to him with her eyes closed.

"Why don't you stay in bed, I can get Jim to cue me from New York."

Her eyes flew open, just like he knew they would and she sat up, ready to fight with him. He smiled at her.

"Bastard," she said smiling at him.

"Want to take a shower and see if the steam will ease some of the stiffness?"

"I'll try anything at this point. Are there any Tylenol left?" she asked.

"You want something stronger?"

"No, I've got to be able to function," she said, taking the medicine bottle from him. "Will you please start the shower, extra hot water?"

He got out of bed, took off his boxers and walked into the bathroom. A couple of minutes later she heard, "the water is extra hot, Mackenzie."

He saw her moving very slowly toward the shower. When she opened the shower door he pulled her to him and said, "can I do anything?"

She shook her head and eased under the hot water. She was leaning back against his chest with his arms around her. She was letting the water and the steam ease her aching muscles, wincing though, as the water hit some of the scrapes and scratches on her legs. "How's your head?" she asked.

"Good, no pain this morning."

She turned in his arms and pushed his hair back so she could see the bandage over his stitches. He'd put the plastic over the bandage like the doctor told him to do. She smiled at him and turned back around.

"After we do the broadcast lets come back and sleep for a while, give ourselves some time to recover," he suggested.

"That sounds good. I think you and I need to talk some and I need to try to explain a few things to you."

"I'd like that Mac," he said kissing her temple.


	5. Chapter 5

They made it out to the courtyard where they were going to broadcast from and met the team.

"Once the broadcast is over, we are going to take a few hours for ourselves," Mac explained to the group. "We're going to meet in the restaurant at 10:30 and we'll go out from there. Any questions?" she asked.

Everyone shook their head. Mac turned to Will and helped him with his microphone. "Look up at me," she said. When he did she wasn't able to see the bandage. "You can't see the bandage."

Mac gave him the countdown and the show began. They began with their coverage of the attack at the Army base. It was good that most of the show was packages. She could tell Will was tired and if she was honest with herself, he was scared from yesterday and confused about her. They really needed to talk, and she needed to explain her behavior to him, but she wasn't sure she'd be able to explain it so that he'd understand. She still wasn't sure she understood it all herself.

Will threw to Terry Smith and Mac thanked everyone. "We'll see you all at 10:30," Mac said following Will back into the hotel. "Good show."

"Thanks, you too."

"Do you want to sleep or talk?" she asked, trying to keep up with his pace. He realized he was walking too fast and slowed down so she could walk with him.

"I want to talk. I want to understand, Mac. Help me understand."

"I'll try," she said taking his hand. He opened their door and led her inside. He dropped her hand and got them both a bottle of water. She sat on the bed and began quietly.

"I was scared Will. You and I had gotten serious so fast and I had never felt like that. And then, before Brian even started texting me, I was talking to my mother one day. And she told me, in no uncertain terms, that she and Sir David were expecting a grandchild very soon. That it was my duty to fulfill their expectations; marriage and then children, in that order. Never once did she ask me if we'd talked about children, or if we'd even discussed our future. She didn't care as long as I did my part."

"When a couple of months passed and she saw no signs of an engagement she really kicked her maneuvering into high gear. Told me my father wasn't doing well and that I should really begin the wedding planning if I wanted him to walk me down the aisle." He saw her wipe the tears from her face. This was breaking his heart. Mackenzie had never had a great relationship with her mother. The woman had a heart of stone and cared only about her position in London's high society. Her father, on the other hand, was her world. "Did David know about the conversation?"

She shook her head. "This was all about her and her wants and needs. I found out later that one of her good friend's daughters just had a baby. She was trying to keep up and didn't care that I didn't want any part of that game. You know her Will. She's always been more concerned with keeping up appearances than with what really matters in life."

"David would have told her to leave you alone," Will said.

"He doesn't know. I'm cordial to my mother for his sake. I keep the peace when we are in the same house, but other than that, we don't communicate."

"He doesn't suspect anything?" Will asked.

"We are very good at this game and it helps that I don't see them very often. She kept pushing, sending emails and ideas for wedding invitations. She would even remind me of my father's supposedly tenuous health every now and again for good measure."

"She what?"

She nodded. "I only found out later, after you and I had split up, that the whole bit about my father being ill was false."

"How did Brian fit in?"

"He started texting me, wanting to see me. This still doesn't make what I did right or excusable Will. I should have talked to you about everything. My fears about disappointing my father. My fears about not being good enough for you. I guess all of it was just building up inside me and I felt like I didn't know what to do. I figured I was going to fuck it all up somehow…I guess Brian was just an easy way to sabotage the whole thing."

Will felt like his head was about to explode. He already had a headache, but this was just too fucking much. Mackenzie continued with her explanation.

"Subconsciously, I knew I was halting any plans my mother was making. Not that I didn't want to marry you, or possibly have children with you, but the choice was being taken away from me. By answering Brian's texts I was taking some control back."

"Mac," Will started.

"I know it's fucked up, Will, I do. When I told my parents we'd broken up my mother called me a failure, not in front of my father, of course, but the next time she got me alone she proceeded to tell me what a huge disappointment I was and she asked me what she was supposed to tell her friends. She barely spoke to me while I was in Oxford recovering from the stabbing."

Will was shocked. He had never liked Mac's mother and her social climbing ways. He certainly had never understood what Sir David had seen in the woman in the first place. But she was Mackenzie's mother, and as such, deserved at least a modicum of respect. That was what he used to think. Now, he wanted to kill her.

"You can't say anything to her Will. As much as I know you want to, and as much as I would love to see you decimate her with your words, you can't. It's not how things are done."

What? Had he really just heard her right? Mackenzie wanted him to go easy on the woman? "She fucked our lives up and she fucked with your head so much that you went back to Brian!" he yelled.

"I let her get into my head, Will. This is my fault," Mac said.

"Not entirely and not directly. Do you know how much I hate her right now?"

She nodded and he saw more tears appear on her cheeks. He came to stand between her legs and knelt down, wiping her tears away. "I love you."

She sobbed and fell into his arms, burying her head in his shoulder. He heard her say, "I'm sorry," over and over.

He eased her off of his shoulder. "It's over with and I understand. I love you and I want to be with you. I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, Billy. I wasn't sure how to tell you. It all sounds so ridiculous now. I'm a grown woman. Why I still let my mother dictate my life I will never know."

"You can always tell me anything, know that. And if you're feeling pressure or are scared, tell me and you and I will work it out between us. No one else matters in our relationship, just you and me."

She nodded and he pulled her back into his arms.

He now understood why she couldn't have gone to London after their split. Her mother would have made her life a living hell over there. He hated the woman even more for that. In his eyes, he would now see that scar on Mackenzie's stomach as something her own mother had done to her. That woman had forced them apart and then forced Mackenzie into a war zone to escape. For the first time since he had knocked his father out with that Dewar's bottle, he really wanted to hurt someone.

His focus, however, right now needed to be Mackenzie who was still crying, sobbing really, in his arms. He eased her head off of his shoulder and wiped the tears from her cheeks. He stood and picked her up and moved her to the top of the bed where he placed her against his chest, his arms wrapped around her. She'd stopped crying but needed comforting. "Close your eyes and let's try to relax while we have a little time." She nodded against his chest. He felt her breathing even out and he knew she'd fallen asleep. She'd worn herself out with worry and stress.

When she opened her eyes next he was watching her. "Did you sleep any?" she asked.

"No."

"What's wrong?"

"Between us, absolutely nothing," he said and kissed her head.

"So, it's my mother you're angry with, right?"

"Angry doesn't even begin to cover what I'm feeling," he said.

"Believe me, I understand. There is a reason I live over thirty five hundred miles away from her."

"I'm not sure you truly understand how much I hate her, Mac. I know she's your mother, but what she's done to you is unforgivable. I have the same level of hate for her that I do for my father."

She eased herself off of his chest so she could look at him. "She's not worth the anger you're feeling. Trust me, I've lived with this my whole life."

"Does she not manipulate David this way?" Will asked quietly.

"No, he's her ticket to society."

"You don't have to deal with her by yourself ever again," he said pulling her back to his chest so he could hold her.

"Thank you."

"I love you, Mac."

"I love you, too, Billy. Thank you for listening and wanting to talk and understand what happened."

"I had no idea and I'm so sorry she treated you that way."

"Thanks," she said closing her eyes.

Will had set the alarm on his phone to go off half an hour before they had to meet their team. When the alarm sounded Mac wasn't on the bed. He found her sitting in a tub of bubbles, her head resting against the back of the tub and her eyes closed.

"Is it time to get out?" she asked.

"Did you hear the alarm?"

She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "I did. I woke up a little while ago and wanted to try to get some of the soreness out before we went out today."

"Did the bubbles help?" he teased.

"They did. You've no idea the power of a bubble bath," she teased.

"We've got to meet the team in half an hour. Do you need some help drying off?"

"I actually need to jump in the shower to rinse all the bubbles off of me and then I'll need some help, if you can wait a couple of minutes."

"My pleasure," he said helping her out of the tub.

The team was assembled just outside the restaurant waiting for Will and Mac. When they arrived they all went over the day's agenda. Mac wanted to visit with some locals who had been helped by the presence of the US Military and some who were opponents of their presence. She also wanted to talk with some of the Coalition partners about the US withdrawal. They had a full day ahead of them.

Will and Mac were lucky with the stories they wanted to cover. They would still be using some packages but a lot of what they would use would be their coverage they'd taped throughout the day.

After the last segment was completed Mac set her team free for the night. "How do you feel about having goat kabobs for dinner?" she asked Will.

"Really? Goat?"

"They are really good and the best place in Kabul is just a few blocks away."

"Do they have things other than goat?" he asked, more than a little wary.

She smiled at him. "They do."

"Okay, let's go check this place out," Will said as their driver took them to the restaurant.

Mac walked inside and saw the owner, a man she'd not seen in a long time, but he immediately recognized her. "Mackenzie," he said kissing her cheeks. "You are looking well."

"Thank you, Atash, as are you. Is your family well?"

"We are doing well, thank you. Would you like a table?"

"Please. My friend has never had goat kabobs and I've told him yours are the best in Kabul."

"You honor me. I will bring you kabobs," Atash said going to the kitchen.

Will and Mac sat at a small table. A young man brought them bread and waters. They chatted while they waited for their food. "Are you sure I'm going to like goat?"

"Yes and you are going to be very sad when we are back in New York and you can't easily get a decent goat kabob. There is one place, one good place in Manhattan, on First Avenue between East 66th and East 67th."

Atash brought them each a plate with a kabob, rice and vegetables. Mac took all of the meat off of the skewer and watched Will look at his plate. He picked up his fork and knife and cut a small bite of goat and placed it in his mouth. He was surprised at how good it tasted. "This is great," he said.

She smiled at him and placed her hand over his. "See, you can trust me."

"I know that Mackenzie," he said solemnly. "This is wonderful. Thank you for bringing me here."

"You're welcome. Thanks for being willing to try something new."

Two men over to the side of the restaurant began playing music a little while later as they were finishing up their dinner. One had a guitar and the other had a mandolin. They were both very good.

"You miss your guitar, don't you?" Mac asked.

He nodded. "I'm sorry you couldn't bring it along."

"It's okay," he said. "I'm going to go talk to them, I'll be right back."

Mac watched Will talking to the two musicians. Atash sat down with her. "How was your goat?"

"Better than I remembered, it was great, thank you," she said. She was trying to figure out what Will was doing when the one man handed him the guitar. Will was playing and showing the young man something about the strings. The man was smiling and thanked Will as he handed him back the guitar. When he returned to the table Atash started to get up, but Will said, "please stay. Dinner was wonderful, thank you."

"You are very kind. Thank you for showing my nephew something about the guitar. He loves the instrument but he's never had lessons, there's no one to teach him. What he's learned he's picked up from random strangers. I think he has a gift for the instrument."

"It's a life long learning experience. He is very talented."

"Thank you. Are you here for long, Mackenzie?"

"Just a couple more days then we travel to Islamabad and fly back to the US."

Will had an idea he needed to run by Charlie. He didn't want Mac to have to go back to Islamabad. "Where is your restroom?" Will asked.

"The door next to the kitchen," Atash explained.

"Excuse me," he said leaving the table. While he was in the restroom he called Charlie.

"Are you all right?" was Charlie's first question.

"We're fine. I need a favor."

"Sure, name it."

"I don't want Mac to have to go back to Islamabad to fly home. Will you arrange for two first class tickets from Kabul? I'll pay for them."

"Of course. Why don't you take a few days in London, let her see her family and then fly home."

"Okay, get us from Kabul to London and then London to New York. I want to fly Virgin from London to New York, upper class."

"Done. I'll have the first leg tickets at the airport on Friday. I'll text you the time."

"Thank you, Charlie. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome. No more explosions, okay?"

"From your mouth, Charlie. See you soon," Will said disconnecting.

When he returned to the table Mac had paid their bill. The restaurant had gotten busy and they needed their table. "Let's go back to the hotel," Mac said.

He held his hand out for her and walked to the front of the restaurant where they said thank you and good night to Atash.

On the way back to the hotel they sat in the back of the SUV very close to one another. Her hand was on his leg, caressing gently. He placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him, kissing her temple. She smiled at him and teased his inner thigh, running her fingers closer and closer to his groin. He grabbed her hand and held it in his.

They arrived back at the hotel and he led them to their room. "Thank you for dinner," he said.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you liked the goat. We'll go to the place in New York, but it isn't as good as Atash's." She began taking off her vest and he moved her hands so he could remove the vest for her. He pulled it over her head and she said, "thank you," and began removing his vest. She then pulled his shirt out of his pants and pulled it over his head. She kissed her way from one nipple to the other while her hands teased his waist, unbuttoning his pants.

"What are you doing?"

"Undressing you." She pulled his zipper down and ran her hand over the bulge in his boxers.

He placed his hands on her shoulders as she continued to caress and tease him through his boxers. "God, that feels good, sweetheart." She pushed his pants down and he toed off his shoes and stepped out of his pants.

"That's the idea." She stood on her toes to reach his neck just below his ear. With her tongue she traced random patterns on his skin. Her hand was slipping underneath the elastic waistband of his boxers and squeezing his butt. With her other hand she reached in through the fly of his boxers with one finger and traced patterns similar to those she was tracing on his neck. The light and barely there touch was driving him mad.

"Please, Mac."

She pulled back so she could look at him. "Please what, Billy?"

"Touch me."

"I am touching you. Feel me touching you?" she said moving her finger from his cock to his balls, still only very gently touching him.

"Fuck," he moaned with his head thrown back.

"Feel good?"

"Yes."

She removed her hand from his boxers and pulled them off of him. She knelt in front of him and licked the underside of his cock from base to tip, with just the tip of her tongue, again with a gentle, barely there touch.

"Mac," he moaned as she licked back toward the base. When she reached his balls she quickly sucked one and then the other into her mouth. "Fuck," he said holding onto her shoulder. He was panting and she knew she'd surprised him. Her fingers were behind his balls, again tracing gently on his perineum. "Mac, you've got to give me a minute," he warned. When she didn't stop, he moaned, "Mac, I'm going to come, God."

She pulled his cock into her mouth and sucked just on the head and then she rubbed his shaft quickly, her hands twisting to provide more stimulation. She felt his balls pull up and she closed her lips down tight on the head of his cock and sucked hard. He came shouting, "Mackenzie." She had her hands on his hips to steady him. When he'd finished he reached down and pulled her up to him and held her in his arms.

"That felt amazing," he said burying his head in her shoulder.

He pulled her shirt up and he leaned back enough to pull it over her head. He could see how erect her nipples were through her bra. He bit her nipple through her bra. "Billy," she moaned. He reached behind her and unhooked her bra, letting it fall down her arms. He took her nipple into his mouth and bit gently. His hand was on her other nipple, twisting it back and forth.

"Fuck, that feels good, Billy."

He kissed his way down her stomach, stopping to kiss the scar, then moved further down to unbutton her pants and unzip them. He pulled both her pants and her underwear down together and she stepped out of them. He eased her to the edge of the bed. His mouth was on her mound, panting against her skin. He spread her legs and put two fingers inside of her and with his mouth he sucked her clit. "Yes, fuck, yes," she moaned. She had one hand on his shoulder and the other in his hair.

"You taste so good," he said, thrusting his fingers into her quicker and quicker. He looked up at her and she had one hand on her breast, squeezing and pinching her nipple. His hand replaced hers on her breast, twisting and pulling on her nipple. He crossed his fingers inside of her and increased his thrusting. "Fuck, Mac, you're gorgeous. He moved his mouth back onto her clit and teased it with his tongue. He wasn't pressing nearly as hard as she wanted him to touch her.

"Please, Billy, make me come," she moaned. He timed his suckling to his finger's thrusting and just a few moments later she moaned as she came.

He was smiling at her when she opened her eyes and removed his fingers. "That felt so good," she said, leaning up to kiss him, tasting herself on his mouth. She reached for his cock and found him hard again.

When she pulled out of the kiss and looked at him he said, "that's all about you and how much I want you and how much I love you." She moved to the top of the bed with him following between her legs. He lay against her, kissing her and touching her anywhere he could reach. He loved kissing her and they lay there making out. "I need to be inside you," he whispered in her ear.

"I need you there," she responded to him.

He reached down to feel if she was ready. "You're so wet, Mac."

"You do that to me. We can be sitting in meetings and I'll be watching you and I feel myself getting wet, you don't even have to touch me. I love you, so much, Billy."

He kissed her hard and placed his cock at her entrance and pushed just inside her.

"Yes, please, God you feel good," she moaned.

He pulled back and thrust all the way in and she screamed, "yes, fuck."

His hips were snapping back and forth quickly; their skin slapping together. "Mac," he moaned.

She turned them over so that she was now on top, keeping their same pace. His hands were on her breasts, pulling at her nipples and squeezing and molding her breasts. He leaned up and kissed her and rolled them back over. He pulled her leg up to rest on his shoulder as he pounded into her. "Fuck, Will, I'm close," she warned him and he reached for her clit. His finger touched her and she began coming. "God, yes, fuck me hard Billy."

When she'd finished he pulled out and helped her get to her knees and he entered her from behind. He was thrusting harder and pulling her hips toward him. "Fuck, Mac," he said and reached around to play with her clit.

"Oh, God," she moaned and arched her back.

"Feel good?"

"Fuck, I'm going to come again," she said panting and grabbing at her breast. "Billy," she screamed as she came and tightened her legs against him. He kept his hand on her clit, prolonging her orgasm, teasing her. She took his hand in hers and pulled it away from her clit, lacing their fingers together. She turned her head and said, "your turn."

He quickly pulled out of her and laid her on her back and slipped back inside. He leaned down to kiss her and said, "I love you."

His thrusts were getting sloppy and uneven. She knew he was close. "You feel so good inside me, fuck, Billy."

"God, I'm so close," he moaned. She could see how tense he was, he was very close.

"Come for me."

"Fuck," he said and began coming. He caught himself as he was about to collapse on her.

"You're not too heavy, come here."

He lay against her panting. "God, Mac, I love you."

"I love you," she said running her hand through his hair and kissing his temple.

"Do we really have to do another show tomorrow? Can't we just stay in bed for another few days?" he whispered against her breast.

"Sorry Will. You're kind of a necessary part of the equation you know? I don't think ACN will appreciate Josh the sound guy replacing you as anchor," she told him, laughing a little at the thought.

"I like to think I'm better at my job than Josh the sound guy would be," he said sarcastically.

"Infinitely better," she told him.

"Mac?"

"What Billy?"

"I'd like us to take some time off together soon, ok? I'd like to celebrate our reunion in some place a little more luxurious and a little less likely to be struck by a drone," he pleaded.

"Yeah, that sounds good Will. That sounds really good," she mumbled as she fell asleep. He hoped she was ready for that time off to come sooner rather than later.


	6. Chapter 6

Early the next morning Will, Mac and their entire crew trudged down to the courtyard in front of their hotel to do their final broadcast. The last few days of traveling and sleeping in unfamiliar places was taking a toll on all of them.

As Will signed off for the last time from Afghanistan, he looked over to find Mackenzie smiling at him.

"Good work. I think we did some really wonderful broadcasts from here gentlemen," she said to the entire team. "Let's gather our equipment and our bags and get ready to head back to Pakistan and meet our plane."

"Go on upstairs and I'll be there in a few minutes Mac," Will told her, waiting until she disappeared to have a word with the crew.

"You guys head on out without us. Your plane is still waiting for you in Islamabad but Mackenzie and I have a flight to London to catch," he told the guys and shook all their hands and thanked them for their work.

"Will, where the hell did you put my laptop case?!" she shouted out as he entered their hotel room.

"Try the closet. I kept tripping over the damn shoulder strap," he told her, flopping onto their bed.

"Hey, get your ass over here and start helping me pack. We have to be downstairs in ten minutes," she warned, smacking his feet off the mattress.

"No we don't. I'm going back to sleep," he replied.

"Will, I'm serious. We need to get moving."

"No we don't Mac. Now let me sleep."

Suddenly he felt the bed shift and he opened his eyes to find her glaring at him.

"What have you done?" she asked suspiciously.

"Why do you say it like that? I didn't renegotiate your contract or anything. I just asked Charlie to book us a later flight that's all."

Still, she looked at him. Damn, he forgot how well she knew him.

"Ok, I also arranged a few days off for us in London," he said quietly looking anywhere but at her face. Wait, why the hell was he feeling guilty here? He had done something nice, hadn't he?

"You could have told me Will," she whispered as she curled up next to him.

"I did…just now. Jesus Mac, I just did this last night. It's not like I've been plotting for days or something. What's really bothering you?"

"London?" she asked warily.

"We don't have to see your mother if you don't want to Mackenzie. We can spend a few days at Claridge's, see a few shows, and go to your favorite restaurants. Then we head back to New York. We need some time alone…away from the office Mac."

"That sounds wonderful Will, really. It's just…well, they'll know we're there. Some trashy tabloid will run a picture or some annoying friend of my mother's will see us and then there will be no escaping it. And I wouldn't want to be rude to my father. We'll have to see him."

"If you want to, we will. But I won't be bullied into it by a tabloid or some snotty friend of your mother's."

He didn't know how to tell her that he secretly hoped they would see her parents. He and David had always got on well and he missed their long political discussions over scotch and cigars. He also hoped to rip her mother to shreds.

"Will?" she asked.

"What Mac?"

"Thank you for not making me go back to Pakistan," she whispered into his chest.

"Never again Mac. Never again," he told her as he pulled her closer and they both fell asleep.

They spent the rest of the day lounging around their room and ordering their meals in as they enjoyed a long deserved rest. Early the next morning they boarded their flight and Mackenzie waited anxiously to see just how long it would take for her mother to find out she was in England.

They cleared customs in record time and found the private car ACN had hired for them and were soon basking in the luxury of a suite at Claridge's.

"I missed this place," he said as he looked around the suite they had once shared years ago.

"It is lovely isn't it? Have you not been back in the last few years?" she asked.

"No. Didn't really want to come to London without you," he told her, sitting next to her on the loveseat near the balcony.

"You haven't been back since we split? But you love the West End so," she asked, more than a little shocked. Will loved London. The theater, the trips outside the city to the smaller towns in Surrey and Kent. She had always thought he seemed very at home in England.

"I loved seeing it all with _you_ Kenz. I didn't really want to come back here without you and be reminded how alone I was."

"I'm so sorry Will. What do you want to see? We'll do it all while we're here. Do you want to go to the theater tonight?" she asked, bouncing up off the sofa and flitting around the room in a fit of energy.

"Stop Kenz. I don't care what we do as long as we're here together," he told her, pulling her back down next to him and flipping through the paper to see what shows were playing.

"I'd love to see Helen Mirren's play while we're here. Where do you want to go to dinner?" she asked.

"You picked the play…let me surprise you with dinner," he told her, hoping that answer would suffice. He didn't want her obsessing over the possibility of running into her parents the whole time they were here. He figured it was best to get it over with quickly. Sort of like ripping a bandage off. God, he hoped he was right.

The play was wonderful and as they headed to the grill at The Dorchester he glanced over at her to gauge her response. Maybe she was still jet-lagged or maybe she was just enjoying herself so much she didn't notice, but he knew the moment she realized where they were headed.

"Will? What the hell are we doing _here_?" she whispered harshly at him in the cab.

"Going to dinner. You love The Dorchester," he told her, trying rather unconvincingly to play dumb.

"I do. But my father also loves The Dorchester. You know this, so I ask again, what are we doing here Will?"

Damn, she was getting that tone in her voice that both frightened him and turned him on at the same time. He hoped he wasn't going to be sleeping on that fucking loveseat tonight.

"I called him Mac. You said yourself; they would probably figure out that we're here. This way it's on our terms and we get it over with right away. No worrying about it for the rest of the trip."

She was gripping her handbag so tightly he thought she might destroy the thing so he unclenched her fists and pulled it from her grasp.

"Mackenzie, I will not let her intimidate or control you. Please, just enjoy seeing your father and let's try to have a nice evening. Then we have the rest of our stay here to ourselves, ok?" he asked, wrapping his fingers around hers.

She nodded, but her jaw was still clenched firmly and she turned her head away from him and wiped away a stray tear. Shit, now she was crying. He had no defense for that. Mackenzie's tears got him every time.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone behind your back. Let's just go back to the hotel and order room service," he told her, ready to tell the cab driver to pull away from the curb.

"No, you're right Will. I'll worry about this for the rest of our trip if I don't get it over with now. I haven't been home in years and I can't keep avoiding it. Let's do this," she said firmly and pushed open the door.

"That's my girl," he said quietly from behind her, watching as she squared her shoulders as if for battle.

"William, lovely to see you my boy," Sir David McHale called out from across the room, moving as quickly as his arthritic knees allowed.

"David, you look well. How have you been?" he asked the man who he had once viewed as a surrogate father.

"Very good. Much better now that the two of you are here together. Finally got your act together did you?" he asked, shaking Will's hand heartily.

"We have, sir. We have," Will answered, grasping Mackenzie's hand and pulling her forward toward her father.

"Mackenzie…you look beautiful. And I'm enjoying the shows you two are doing together. Interesting stuff. I see you knocked some sense back into this man's head," the older man chuckled.

"We're trying Dad…we're trying," Mackenzie whispered into her father's cheek as they hugged each other fiercely.

"Mother," Mackenzie said quietly, acknowledging the woman with a short kiss to the cheek and then backing away from her as quickly as was polite.

"Catherine," Will greeted the woman with barely concealed hatred. Catherine McHale startled a bit at the stony expression on the anchorman's face. She nodded and backed away toward her seat. Will almost laughed at that. This was going to be fun, he thought.

"So, how long will you two be in town?" David McHale asked, oblivious to the drama unfolding around him.

"Just a few days. Then we really are needed back in New York," Will told the man. Mackenzie was sitting silently next to him, gripping his hand so tightly under the table that he thought he was beginning to lose circulation.

"And can we expect to see more of the two of you…_together_?" Catherine asked meaningfully.

"Of course, would there be some reason we wouldn't be together now Catherine? We've finally worked so many things out. I understand so much more about Mackenzie's fear of how quickly our relationship was moving before. She must have felt so much _pressure,_" Will ground out through clenched teeth.

Mackenzie looked down at her plate, but Will could see the smirk forming on her face. He rubbed her hand soothingly where it was perched on his knee.

"Well, we all just assumed you two were headed down the aisle any day. It would have been such a lovely wedding," Catherine said longingly.

"I'm sure whatever we do in the future will be just as lovely. Maybe a trip back to that amazing resort in Bali. You loved it there didn't you Mac? I hear it's a great place to elope," Will said, staring right into Catherine McHale's eyes as he said it. Knowing full well that a quickie wedding on a beach somewhere would horrify her. It would mean no big society affair to plan and show off to her friends. And, worse yet, it would signify to most of them that Mackenzie was being rushed to the altar before an out of wedlock pregnancy was revealed.

Mackenzie snorted into her napkin and then coughed to try to hide her amusement.

"Well, whatever you two do I'm just happy that you're back together. She looked miserable without you William," David McHale happily announced before looking at his menu, seemingly unaware of the dinner theater that was unfolding around him.

"I am too," Mackenzie whispered happily and leaned her head against Will's shoulder as she perused the menu.

Dinner progressed smoothly. Mostly since Catherine McHale finally seemed suitably chastised by Will's remarks. She remained silent for most of the meal, allowing Mackenzie to enjoy the presence of her two favorite men. By the end of the evening her eyes were sparkling and she was relaxed and smiling. Will was so glad she was able to enjoy being with her father.

As they all got up to leave David pulled Will aside and asked to speak with him for a moment.

"David?" Will asked, unsure what the older man needed.

"Don't think I don't know what that was all about William."

"Sir?" Will asked again.

"That scene back there between you and my wife. I'm not a fool my boy," David McHale said smirking.

"You know?" Will asked, stunned.

"She wasn't always like that William. Catherine's family was solidly middle class and my friend's wives reminded her of that repeatedly. It took its toll…always being reminded that you weren't good enough, that you didn't belong. She started doing her damndest to measure up and somewhere along the way she forgot about who she was and why I fell in love with her in the first place. I still see that girl when I look at her. I always will."

Will was shocked. David McHale _knew_ how badly his wife treated their only daughter? How could he let it go on?

"I try not to let her pick at Mackenzie too much but I haven't always protected my daughter the way I should have. She was always so headstrong and independent that it was easy to forget she could be hurt. I should have been a better father. I'm glad to see she has you behind her again."

"She'll always have me David. Always," Will assured the man.

"Having said that, please do whatever you two want and don't spend one minute thinking about what Catherine and her society friend's would prefer," David said strongly.

"You have my word," Will replied.

"And you have my permission. If you wanted to ask for it that is. Just don't tell Mackenzie I said that," David said cheerfully and went off the kiss his daughter goodnight.

"Well Will, always good to see you. You two have a lovely vacation," Catherine said cordially as the two of them waited for Mackenzie and her father to finish with their goodbyes.

"We will Catherine," Will said formally, grasping the woman's hand as if to shake it and then bringing her closer.

"Oh, and Catherine?" he asked sweetly, refusing to let her pull her hand from his grip.

"Yes?" she asked warily, trying to back away from his menacing glare.

"I know about every fucking word you said to your daughter. I hold you personally responsible for the fact that she had to run into a war zone to escape your meddling. I hold you personally responsible for that giant fucking scar on her stomach. And I hold you personally responsible for four fucking years of wasted time between the two of us. You say one more word to her about what she does or does not choose to do with her life and I will make sure you don't inherit one red cent from the McHale estate," he whispered harshly, keeping a fake smile plastered to his face the whole time. He knew he had finally caught her attention. Money _always_ caught her attention.

"That's none of your business Mr. McAvoy," she said sharply.

"Really? You do realize Mackenzie is your husband's sole heir?" he asked.

"Of course," Catherine replied.

"And, as such, she inherits and is the executor of the entire McHale family fortune. She will control everything when your husband passes on. You really should have thought about that fact before you treated her like shit," Will informed her.

"She doesn't care about the money, never has," Catherine huffed.

"No, you're right, she doesn't. It's one of the things I love about her. But do you know who her attorney is Catherine?" he asked sweetly.

"Well, um…" the woman stuttered.

"I am. And I will do everything I can to protect Mackenzie _and_ her estate from you," Will informed the woman and released his grip on her hand.

"Lovely seeing you both," Will said as he grabbed Mackenzie's hand and pulled her out of the hotel.

"What the hell did you say to her Will?" Mackenzie asked as they went in search of a cab.

"Nothing that she didn't deserve Mac," he assured her. Mackenzie started giggling and was nearly laughing hysterically by the time they got into a taxi.

"That was fun!" she said, almost surprised.

"Of course it was! You and I always have fun when we go out!" he admonished. That was what he had missed most about their relationship. Sure, the sex was amazing and Mackenzie was gorgeous, but what he had really missed was the incredible fun they had together. Every day they spent together as a couple had been full of laughter and friendship and love and, well, she had been everything to him. Friend, lover, confidante. He had lost his whole world when she left. He was so glad to have it all back.

"I missed you Will. I missed all this so much," she whispered, leaning against his shoulder and looking out at the lights of London pass them by.

"I missed you too Kenz. More than you'll ever know."

Later that evening, as Will listened to Mackenzie rummaging around the bathroom getting ready for bed, he dug around her laptop bag searching for the newspaper. What he found instead was a crinkled envelope that looked like it had been at the bottom of the bag for years. He pulled it out and looked at the chicken scratch writing across the front of it. He could just barely make out the faded words that read "In the event of my death, deliver to William McAvoy, Atlantis World Media, New York."

"Oh shit," he mumbled to himself. Should he even be doing this? She had already asked him if he wanted to read it, but at the time he said no. Did he still have the right to open it? Fuck it, he thought, it _is_ addressed to me. He quietly ripped it open.

Dear Will,

First, put down the damn scotch, Billy. It won't solve anything and it won't bring me back. Don't go looking for answers in the bottom of a bottle. I'm going to try to give you some here.

What I did was not your fault. It wasn't your fucked up childhood and it wasn't your set in stone bachelor ways. It was me Will. It was all me. Ok, my mother's neverending rants about my biological clock and the need to carry on the McHale name might have had a little bit to do with the worst fucking mistake of my life, but it was my choice Will. One I regretted to my dying day. Don't doubt that for a second.

And don't ever doubt that I loved you. I don't think I knew that before we broke up. I don't think I knew that until I went back to that asshole and realized that what you and I had was once in a lifetime.

If you're reading this then I didn't come back from the Middle East and for that I am truly sorry. I had always hoped we'd have a second chance. You have an extraordinary heart and I was counting on that fact Will. I was counting on your caring, selfless nature to allow me back in.

Never forget, I love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Mackenzie

He couldn't stop the tears rolling down his cheeks at her closing lines. He used to say that to her all the time. As she was falling asleep he would whisper "I love you Mackenzie…to the moon and back."

Good God, he would have wanted to kill her if he had ever read this fucking letter! Did she really think _this_ would have comforted him? He would have hated himself for letting her go and he sure as hell wouldn't have been able to move on. Then again, he hadn't ever really moved on from her so what the hell was the difference?!

"Will?" she asked as she came out of the bathroom in her robe. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," he whispered, tucking the letter into his pocket and pulling her over to stand between his legs. She didn't need to know he had read it. They had said everything they needed to say and they were right where they needed to be.

"I love you Will. You were wonderful tonight," she whispered into his hair.

"I love you too Mackenzie. To the moon and back."

THE END


End file.
